Are You Ready For Success?

Such an odd question that understandably may be met with an ‘obviously, yes’ or a confused look. But I’ve come across this recently in my practice - good things happening and we are simply not ready to receive them.

And by ‘good things’ I mean things that externally look like success. Financial wins, marriage, having a baby. Even when someone has a specific dream and manages to achieve it, there’s this sense of ‘oh…what now?’

It’s underwhelming sometimes. That there isn’t a euphoric moment as expected. It’s a bit like the moment after winning a BAFTA, when you return to the seat you came from, continue to watch the rest of the show and carry on with the conversations you were having. It’s a moment in time. And we’ve mistaken a moment in time for fulfilment.

This is not to underestimate the achievement. But achievement isn’t fulfilment. Achievement is momentary and it constantly changes shape. It can feel busy, exhausting, satisfying, exciting and so much more.

But fulfilment feels quieter. It doesn’t need to declare itself. It’s an exhale after a roast dinner, a silent moment of gratitude, a feeling of warmth. And it isn’t reliant on hitting next month’s financial goals.

I’ve had the honour many times of sitting opposite people who have achieved what some would deem impossible and others only dream of. And they themselves often struggle to believe they’ve done it. Reached the top of the mountain. But what is quickly realised is that the skills that got you to the top of the mountain are not the skills that help you enjoy being there.

On the way up, there’s a requirement for discipline, hard work - sometimes at the cost of your health, relationships and your own time. Success requires sacrifice, unwavering commitment, consistency, problem solving and self belief.

But sitting in success itself almost requires the opposite. Slowing down, gratitude, focusing on enjoyment and relaxation, embracing the freedom to do anything or go anywhere. And it can be completely destabilising. Your nervous system, belief system and approach to the world needs rewiring. Whilst around you, everyone is saying ‘you must feel delighted.’ So often these feelings get internalised and you either force yourself to ‘relax’ or, more often than not, find another project to get your teeth into.

Nobody talks about the sense of loss that can come with success. And I can almost see the eye rolls already. But it’s the loss of a solid sense of purpose - something so intrinsically tied into your daily life that without it, there’s a period of mourning. An emptiness that can arrive just when the world expects you to be celebrating.

This is often what leads me to ask ‘are you ready for success?’ Because the skills you’re utilising to get there aren’t going to be of much use once you arrive.

My feeling is we need to find a way to hold both. The ability to be grateful and the ability to want more. To switch off fully and to be wholly dedicated to our work. To detach our worth from what we do whilst also being able to celebrate what we’ve achieved.

This is the only way we have a chance at truly enjoying success when it arrives.